My Boyfriend Eats Banana Omelettes

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Chicken as a Color

A good friend of mine spent some time teaching English as a second language. My favorite story was the day she was asking her class for synonyms for the color beige. Tan was nominated, light brown was declared and from the back of the room, someone offered up "chicken".

At first we laughed at the idea of painting a room the color chicken, but then we got into the details, was it raw or roasted? More pink or more brown in it's undertones...Egg Shell is a famous color, why not Chicken Flesh?

This topic of beige rolled over into another question on the mind of everyone,

If all their food is in shades of beige, is it a bad restaurant (chicken, potatoes, gravy)
I heard someone say this about Swiss Chalet once

Is there truth to this statement? I know that food with more color is better for you, the most colorful fruits and vegetables are higher in vitamins. And I'm not advocating that we all go to Swiss Chalet a very beige/chicken - color forward menu, however I find myself often craving and missing the Quebec answer to the Chalet, St. Hubert. Many winter nights were spent ordering three piece chicken and fries (I get it, you're judging me, I'm a chef at high end restaurants and I crave chicken ordered in multiples of three, and fried potatoes, leave me alone)

Beige ain't so bad...

It tastes pretty

Lavender Blueberry Ice Cream

It just tastes pretty

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Kitchen Couture

This dress has had the following comments:
This dress is so right
This dress is so wrong
Is that a pickle?

I'm undecided, it's either so right because it's so wrong, or it's just wrong. Also I think I do see a pickle.
Gaga had her meat dress. I have my meat dress*

*full disclosure, I don't own this dress, I won't own this dress, mainly because I couldn't own this dress

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Forager's Foie Gras

I never said I was eloquent, and those who know this best are my bartenders...
Describing the menu in delectable terms has always been a challenge, I tend to gain points for creativity, such as describing St. George Mushrooms as "Buttery Midgets", or Raclette having strong flavor, mild odor (that last one isn't so bad, until my bartender used the voice of a 1970's porn actor to truly portray the alliteration...)

Apparently their all time favorite has been dubbed as the following:

Gravel Pit Foie

"Upta" camp foie

Roadside foie
Pissa foie

Here is how it was written on the menu

Wood grilled Moulard Foie Gras
with grilled cattail hearts, sumac honey, with garlic chive and parsley salad

For those who don't know, cattail hearts are from cattail plants, see below:

They grow in swamps, I do not advise that you forage for these on your own.

Sumac spice, is from sumac flowers, from the sumac tree:

Again this looks much like poison sumac, so don't just go ahead and start gnawing on the next one you see...

Garlic chives grow everywhere:

Like weeds...

A chef once told me, if it grows together, it goes together. The dish was beautiful, and clever.

However when describing this to my bartender I said the following:

"Say you take a piss on the side of the road, when you're headin' upta camp, and you look out and you see sumacs, and cattails, and garlic chives and you think to yourself..."foie gras"? This is that dish"

Like I said, I'm not known for my eloquence.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Fast preps, three hands

For those who may or may not know, I was recently diagnosed with tendinitis, which despite my best efforts, is career ending. That being said, I still work, I'm just not allowed to chop, flip, twirl, spin, butcher, cut, use tongs, whisks or spatulas. That being said, I do all of the above and choose to ignore the pain.
What's harder to ignore, is the hardened mass on my right wrist. I can only assume that it's a replacement hand, which will come in useful for many things: awkward high fives, uncomfortable handshakes, mean games of thumb wars, etc.
So while I'm still needed in the kitchen, those who know me, don't allow me to help, they're all invested in "helping me get better". Lame.
The new guy, however, isn't privy to my "injury", and thusly asked me to do his preps today!

Diver Harvest Scallops with marinated cucumbers, and wild spring ramp ripened cream.

Done.

Use your words.

Problem:

If the restaurant closes at 10pm, and your reservation is at 7:30pm, when do you arrive and how do you order?

Solution:

Arrive at 9:55pm and decide to do a four course tasting dinner, selecting one item at a time, it's cool, we don't mind waiting, we're gettin' cash money...well not cash...but some form of monetary...well, no...it's fine though, gives us time to clean up, and stare at you while you eat, each bite.

Also if you're coming in to celebrate you're 21st birthday, you may want to remember your I.D.

you just didn't look 21, and you were late, by 2.5 hours.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Hunting pork

Friends Facebook Status
Bozeman peeps: I want to get a pork belly for a dinner I'm having on Thursday... any recs for farmers I can contact or reputable butchers in town??